“Ah, why wilt thou remember these, or why, Poor heart, repine,
If the sweet love she yielded with a sigh, Was never thine?”
(Tutto È Sciolto; James Joyce)
Love is often one of those things that leads to dead-ends. The reason behind this is simple: love is subjective and personal. There are no established patterns which can make sure that your object of desire will love you back. If they have to, they will, and if they don’t, they won’t. Similarly, you can’t decide and plan whom to fall in love with or when to fall in love with. And like they say, “timing is a bitch.”
You might fall in love with someone when none of you are ready for it; nothing new for the universe but another addition to the list of “almost there’s”. Black Mirror’s latest season has an episode dedicated to this very thing. It’s called Hang the DJ and has been receiving rave reviews throughout.
When it seems like a dead-end, it is best to let it go with grace and dignity and move on with life. Otherwise, almost-loves can destroy your peace of mind and body.
Here are some things that might help you on the road to fulfilling this seemingly impossible task:
1. Convince yourself of the truth
Tell yourself in your free time that, “seriously, it’s going nowhere.” When things expire around the house, you throw them out; you don’t let a wound fester. If anything had to happen, by now it would have. Also, if you are ever-optimistic, you should think of it this way: things might happen in time later. In the future. It’s no use thinking about it and being stuck with it, now. If it is supposed to be and if it’s meant to be, it will find a way and eventually it will be, but you cannot force it. So, for now, let it go.
2. Keep yourself occupied
It is often the case that one obsession kills the other. If you must have something to obsess over, let it not be a crush who doesn’t love you back. Let it be a task that you find engaging and that you enjoy doing. It can be your job simply, or even something you used to enjoy as a child but lost track of. Find a hobby, start to work out, or if it makes it feel better, write about it. Do something that will keep you occupied, whatever it may be, but make sure it is productive and not destructive.
3. Consider the fact that you cannot make someone fall in love with you
Because it is a personal thing. If they had to, they would probably have fallen for you by now. Since they haven’t yet, there’s very little possibility of that happening anytime soon. You cannot force love, and you cannot make anyone love you.
4. Find an outlet to express yourself
Write, paint or learn a musical instrument. These things need an outlet to come out. Trapped feelings and emotions don’t do anything to help you; release yourself and your feelings. And who knows, you might even get some recognition out of it.
5. Put some miles between you and your crush
“Out of sight is out of mind” is a thing because it works. Once you stop seeing said person every single day, it would help your mind process the fact that this really is the right way, that this is the way it is going to be from now on. That way you get used to it and it is only a matter of time when his or her presence stops bothering you and upsetting you.
6. Understand that it takes time to let go
This is because we were taught for years by films and movies that love is something you don’t give up on easily. That being in love, reciprocated or not, makes you a better person. But practically speaking, it just makes you sad and used to the sadness.
7. Convince yourself to be rational
Be reasonable and after some time try and meet new people. Who knows, you might just find someone who loves you back this time. After all, love doesn’t follow patterns. You never know what life brings!